


I Want You But I'm Scared

by icegirl99



Series: You Love Him [6]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 03:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21111578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icegirl99/pseuds/icegirl99
Summary: Papa and Copia discuss what their expectations are from each other. Copia accidentally reveals something from his past.





	I Want You But I'm Scared

**Author's Note:**

> Fluff with some angst near the end. More to come soon. Enjoy!

The kiss was short and sweet. When Papa pulled away he saw that Copia had his eyes closed and his hands pressed flat against his thighs. Papa laughed quietly and put his hand on the Cardinal's cheek. "Open your eyes dear Cardinal," Papa whispered. 

Copia's eyes fluttered open. They went wide and he looked panicked. "I-um...I have to-" Copia was stuttering, he turned his head and his gaze averted to the wall. He tried to get up suddenly, forgetting about the plate of food in his lap. Papa caught the plate before it fell to the floor. "I'm sorry Papa, I have to go." The Cardinal said quickly and pushed himself up. 

Papa set the plate down on the table and reached out to Copia, catching his arm. "Copia," Papa said softly, looking up at him. His Cardinal still looked panicked. 

"Please, Papa," Copia had tears in his eyes now and Papa wasn't sure if he had been the cause or if it was Copia's own anxiety making him cry. "Let me go." Papa gave him a sympathetic smile and nodded once, removing his hand from Copia's arm.

Papa dropped his head as Copia walked towards the door. He had made his Cardinal upset with him. He hadn't meant to cause Copia distress by kissing him. "I'm sorry Copia," Papa said. "I've upset you." He didn't look up, waiting to hear the sound of his door opening and closing. It never came. 

After a few seconds Papa finally raised his head. Copia was standing in front of the door, back to him and completely still, except for his heavy breathing. "I'm not upset," Copia muttered, still facing the door. Confused, Papa stood up and Copia turned to face him. The Cardinal had tears in his eyes. 

"You're not okay though, Cardinal," Papa stated and chanced a step towards Copia. The Cardinal stayed where he was, back against Papa's door, watching Papa carefully. 

"I…" Copia tried speaking again. He took a breath trying to calm himself. "I'm confused and scared and I like you Papa, I really do, but I don't know what I want out of this yet." He said all of this very fast. 

Papa slowly stepped closer to his Cardinal, he was careful with his movements, keeping a small distance but still close enough to touch him if he'd wanted to. "The anxiety you feel is misplaced, Copia," Papa started, he wanted to reach out and touch the Cardinal's cheek but he held back. "You have nothing to fear. I feel the same." 

"You don't," Copia muttered dropping his gaze to the floor. "You don't feel the overwhelming sense of not being able to breathe every time I look at you. You don't feel the sense of dread every time I think I've done something to upset you. You don't feel my heart pounding at the very thought of kissing you again." Copia closed his eyes and let the tears fall. 

Papa smiled gently and finally reached out, wiping a tear away from his Cardinal's cheek. "You're right, I don't feel these things exactly as you do," Papa whispered, his fingers drifted to Copia's chin and delicately lifted Copia's head so he could look at him. Copia kept his eyes off of Papa's face, not being able to look his Pope in the eyes, fearing that he would start sobbing uncontrollably. "I don't suffer from the same anxieties as you do, my dear Cardinal." Papa paused for a moment. "It is one of the things that I find most endearing about you. And there are times that I wish I could take away these feelings of unease that you struggle with." Copia finally met his eyes and Papa smiled again. "But you are right about one thing." Papa placed his hand on Copia's chest, right above his pounding heart. "I can feel your heart beating for me." Papa leaned in. "Can I kiss you again my sweet Copia?"

Copia licked his lips nervously but nodded and whispered, "yes Papa." 

This time it was Copia that closed the short distance. He leaned forward and captured Papa's lips with his own. They kissed gently for a few moments, just slowly moving their lips together. Papa took Copia's face in his gloved hands and deepened the kiss by parting his lips and running his tongue along the Cardinal's lips. Copia parted his lips slightly for Papa, allowing him to slip his tongue into his mouth. Papa smiled against Copia as he sought out the Cardinal's tongue. Their tongues met and Papa teased him with his, sliding it against Copia's and circling it around his mouth. The kiss wasn't heated or rough but slow and sensual, both men keeping it intimate and gentle. Copia let out a small whimper as he wrapped his arms around his Pope. 

Papa hummed in response and pulled back, breaking the kiss. They were both slightly breathless. He rested his forehead against Copia's, looking him in the eyes. He saw nervousness but also a hint of adoration burning in them. He was sure Copia saw the same in his. Copia swallowed and smiled shyly. "Is that what you expected?" Papa asked smiling again. 

"Mmm," Copia hummed in response, nodding. 

"Good," Papa replied. He took a step backward. "Do you wish to return to your own room now?" 

Copia shook his head. "No," he said rather quickly. The panic was coming back but it was a different kind of reaction. This one was of the fear of ending the night before he got to learn the full extent of Papa's intentions. Papa grinned and Copia blushed and stiffened slightly. "I mean-I...I will go if that's what you want." 

"Don't be so uptight, Cardinal," Papa said, now in a more casual tone, moving towards the sitting area again. "I do not wish for this night to end just yet. But if you desire to leave me, so be it. I will not keep you." He sat down on the couch and picked up his wine glass. He took a sip and leaned back watching Copia intently.

The Cardinal was looking around Papa’s room, his eyes darting around, not fixing upon anything in particular. His hands were together and he was clasping his fingers nervously. Papa just sat there, sipping his wine and waiting for Copia to gather his thoughts. “I do not wish to leave,” Copia said finally. His gaze came to rest on Papa and he dropped his hands to his sides before cursing to himself and making his way back to the couch. He stopped in front of Papa and bit his lip. Copia took a breath and then climbed onto the couch in front of Papa. His Pope watched him carefully as he leaned over him, breathing slightly fast. Copia placed his hand on Papa’s chest and looked him in the eyes, an apprehensive look in them. Papa nodded, knowing what the Cardinal was seeking. 

They kissed again, Copia hoving above Papa. Slow at first but then deeper, Papa set his wine glass down and reached up wrapping his arms around the Cardinal’s neck and pulling him close. Their bodies made full contact and Papa couldn’t stop the small moan that escaped his lips from feeling his Cardinal’s weight on top of him. It was a feeling he had been dreaming of and it felt even better in reality. Papa let his hands slide down Copia’s back, rubbing lightly and soothingly. Copia hummed into Papa’s mouth and used his hand still on Papa’s chest to pull back slightly. Just enough to break their kiss. Papa put his hands on Copia’s hips and held him there. “Is this what you want?” Copia asked quietly. 

“I think this is what we both want,” Papa replied. “I do not think I am wrong.” The Cardinal sat back and settled next to Papa. Copia didn't say anything. Papa grabbed a strawberry off the fruit plate and offered it to Copia. He took it and ate it. "If a relationship isn't something you want to pursue, Cardinal, you need to tell me." 

Copia looked at his Pope. "I don't know," he whispered. "I know what I feel but I don't know what I want to do about it." Copia picked up his wine glass and finished it. He reached for the bottle but Papa stopped him. 

"I'm not letting you drink your anxieties away, Copia," Papa said, removing the bottle from the Cardinal's reach. 

"Fine," Copia muttered and Papa could sense a bit of frustration coming from him. Papa sighed and reached for Copia's hand. He pulled it away. 

"I'm sorry, Cardinal," Papa said, trying not to get annoyed. "You have to understand why I'm not going to let you get drunk, yes?"

"It stops the panic," Copia replied quietly. 

"I'm sure it does," Papa replied, handing Copia another piece of fruit. "I will not take advantage of you, my dear Cardinal, if that is what is troubling you." 

"No," Copia replied. "It would be against our principles if you did and you would be the last to disobey our infernal master." He gave Papa a small smile. "It is these past few months that have me worried." 

"You are worried that if you give yourself to me that I will cause you too much distress." It wasn't a question. Papa knew what Copia was referring to. Copia nodded and Papa looked away. He could use a drink himself but resisted for the Cardinal's sake. 

"I can't allow that to happen," Copia was extremely quiet and Papa saw tears in his eyes. "Not again." Papa looked at Copia with slight confusion. He was unaware of Copia having any previous relationships, other than physical ones, with anyone within the clergy. 

"Again?" Papa inquired. 

Something changed in the way Copia looked at him. The Cardinal suddenly became very distressed and he looked away, standing up. "I shouldn't have said anything, Papa," Copia said, fighting tears. "I need to go." The Cardinal headed for the door, leaving a very confused Papa on the couch. "I will see you in the morning." Copia pulled Papa's door open and left without another word. 

Stunned and wondering who could have possibly broken Copia's heart, Papa grabbed the wine bottle and poured it into his glass. Downing it in one gulp, Papa got up and decided to go after his Cardinal.


End file.
